On Friday, right after I shot a quick segment for KABC News, I sat down to chat with a publicist, Susan, who had some questions about her exercise regimen. According to her own assessment, she has about 60-80 pounds to lose. I asked her to first shift her focus from burning calories to the more important components of her health and well-being. I could see the emotion in her eyes and face, and it was clear that this issue had, literally, been weighing on her.

Susan quickly asked the question I get most frequently and usually gets me the most tongue-tied. “What should I do?!” I had to pause. Why would such a simple question have me stumped?

I think it’s because a request like “Tell me how to lose weight” is such a broad topic, and doesn’t give me any insight into the person who’s asking. So how to respond? Sure, I could spout out the old routine about needing cardio three days a week, strength training for muscle mass, and then espouse the benefits of yoga for releasing tension. I could go on to promise that she’ll feel like a million bucks, with lots of confidence and energy, better sleep, etc., and throw in my line about better sex to really drive the point home.

But you know what I really want to say? “Look. You know that you’re damaging your health. You know that there are a billion books, and even more news articles, about the benefits of exercise and eating right. So tell me. WHY AREN’T YOU EXERCISING?!”

Instead, the only thing I said is, “Okay, Susan. Tell me about yourself. Give me a typical day in your life.” Each time I have this conversation with someone, we unravel the very complex issue of taking better care of ourselves - specifically, why we aren’t doing it. In Susan’s case, she is very good at what she does, perhaps one of the best publicists in town. To keep that competitive edge, she needs to work long, almost inhuman hours. She’s in the office by 5 a.m., shuttling from meeting to events to lunches to more meetings, and when she finally returns home after a 45 minute commute, she has no time or energy to do much more than catch up on the days news while heating up a micowaveable delicacy like macaroni and cheese.

Susan’s story is not unique. We all have some version of why we push ourselves so hard. It’s the fear of not being the best. I do the exact same thing. I find myself caught up in all the fear-based anxiety that I am letting someone down - my kids, my business, my significant other - and so I push myself into overdrive. Usually I begin to quickly see the warning signs. So when I start to feel overwhelmed, I go for a hike: clear the mind, take in nature, and simply let go. “Letting go” doesn’t have to be a complicated process. It’s accepting where we are, right now, and feeling grateful for it.

So back to Susan: I start by giving her a diary to use for a week, asking her to keep track of her food and for the next week - when, what and how she is feeling when she eats. Next, I show her a 20-minute workout that she can pop in the morning. And since a 20-minute chunk of time is hard to come by, especially when you keep a schedule like hers, I negotiate by having her give up her morning TV news. I ask her to listen to the news during her morning commute instead. After all, it’s a small price to pay for your own well-being.

I’ll keep you posted on her progress.

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